Blank Eyes, Dried Tears
by Dark Angel Of Fire Ice
Summary: Why does he have to live like this? Why can't he be free to love. He can't do anything but hate the one he cares about. Shonen ai, YxK, dark!fic. Rated for safety. ON HIATUS!
1. Chapter 1

A/N. Hey. I'm Dark Angel of Fire Ice, and this is my first ever fic. So, you know the drill, constructive critisizim is welcome, but flames will be used to warm me up, 'cuz it's freezing where I live right now. I hope you like the fic. Please review, it only takes a little while. I would really appriciate all reviews, except flames of course, and I thank you for them in advance.

DEDICATION: This fic is dedicated to Darks Light, who is not only a brilliant writer, she is also a great friend. I wouldn't have had the courage to post this without her. So, this fic is dedicated to her.

Disclaimer: I do not own Furuba, or Fruits Basket as it is often know. I own none of the characters of Furuba. I certainly don't own the money Furuba has made. So, don't sue me. I don't own any of it.

Warnings: This fic contains Angst, shonen ai, and is all in all a little dark. If any of that upsets you, that is what the little back button at the top left of your screen is for.

Blank eyes, dried tears

He stared blankly at the ceiling, violet eyes empty and unblinking, tears slowly trickling down his face, small rivers of crystalized despair. The pain.. his mind was in chaos, his soul was torn to shreds, his heart was ashes. Why did it have to be this way. Why why why why WHY? He sobbed brokenly once more, chest heaving painfully. He hated his life, he hated his family, he hated the people around him, but most of all he hated himself. He was so pathetic, so useless. He had tried to act tough, he was cold and distant, shielding himself, removing himself from the world that hurt him so much. He had built up inner walls, barriers to keep the pain away. And then HE came along, and he felt the walls slowly shattering. He had to act like he hated him, had to keep up the mask he had built. Every insult tore straight through his defenses and ripped his soul slowly apart from the inside. Every attempted blow hurt more than he could bear, even if they never physically connected with his flesh. The hatred in the red eyes that glared every time he saw them... he never got over the hate he saw in those eyes again and again. It was killing him. He had to act cruel to the only person in this forsaken place that managed to get through his walls and make him love him without even trying. Memories flashed through his head...

_A small boy with flaming orange hair stood before him, yelling at him hatefully._

_The same boy, slightly older, launched himself at the violet-eyed youth, fists flying towards him._

_The boy, a teenager now, fists clenched, yelling hatefully at him, orange hair swirling in the wind, beautiful red eyes narrowed with anger._

He let out another broken sob. Why did the boy have to hate him? He had never done anything to the beautiful red-eyed neko. He cursed being part of the Sohma family violently. If it weren't for the curse, his life wouldn't be so damn screwed up. The second he had seen the orange-haired boy, he had been assaulted by so many emotions, all of them wonderful. He had never felt this way about someone, he had often deliberatly made it that was so that the person these feelings were directed at wouldn't turn around and hurt him again. Yet, somehow he couldn't stop the flow of warmth, affection, longing, and so many other things. The boy had turned and caught sight of the grey-haired nezumi standing quietly under a tree. The nekos' fists had clenched, and he started angrily accusing him of being the reason he was an outcast, the reason for everyone hating him, that it was all the nezumis' faul. The violet-eyed boy had been shocked, then he realised that the gorgeous boy infront of him was none other than the cat of the zodiac. He wanted to protest, to say that he liked the neko, make him like him in return. However, he knew what would happen if he did. He had had it beaten into him that the neko was the enemy, that they were destined to be sworn adversaries. So, he had returned scornful words, disgust-fillled glares, his fragile young heart being mutilated and shredded with every word. Years later, it hadn't changed. The neko hated him with a passion. Ever since then, he had slowly been dying inside. The hatred of the one he couldn't help but love massacared his spirit, and it had broken him long ago. Yet somehow he only found himself loving the neko even more. His passion for fighting, his determination, his adorable social clumsiness and charm, his love of high places, and the fire always burning in those crimson eyes. Always those blood red eyes...

He hated the zodiac. If it weren't for the curse, he could be with the neko. If it weren't for the zodiac, he could be free, and with the one he loved. Life was cruel, and it has a penchant for kicking you when your down. He wanted to bleed, to see the crimson of his life flowing away, taking the pain with it. Blood... his eyes...

He couldn't do it though. He couldn't pick up the gleaming silver means for relief from the desk and press it into his own flesh, feel the biting pain, feel it all draining away. He was scared to. He was scared of people finding out, and being punished.

He hated himself. He may be strong physically, but he was so weak in every other way. He felt hollow, except for a bitter misery and unimaginable pain that was his constant companion. He had been hollow for so long... he wanted nothing more than the orange haired neko to hold him, take away the pain, take away the emptiness, make him feel safe and happy. Yet it could never be. Never. The tears stopped flowing, drying up. He couldn't cry anymore. He had been crying for years it seemed, and he still cried on the inside. He always cried on the inside, even after the physical drops of salty liquid had refused to keep pouring from his eyes. He sat up, eyes still staring blankly ahead, not really seeing anything. He heard Tohru-kun calling him, saying that dinner was ready. He wiped the drying tears from his face, and put his prince charming mask back on. He always felt so wrong, slipping up the mask. It felt like it was slamming a door shut, locking the tattered remains of his sould in a small dark room. He fixed a small, polite smile on his face, and walked out of his room.

He was doomed to pain and loneliness, always. Such is the curse of Yuki Sohma, the rat of the zodiac.

-TBC-


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Greetings. I return from the depths to bring you fanfiction! Sorry about how long it took me to update... my pc is being such a b!tch. -glares and kicks computer- I swear, as soon as I save up enough money for a new computer, this one is going down. Constructive critisizim is welcome, and all reviews will be much appriciated, but flames will be used to burn my computer once I get a new one. Just don't bother flaming, please.

Thank you:  
**AznEyes  
Darks Light  
XwildfiregirlX  
Vespertilliones  
Laurena**  
for your great reviews.

Thanks you:**  
AznEyes  
Laurena  
Parisu Enomoto**  
**XwildfiregirlX**  
for adding me to your favorites.

Thank you:**  
Envysloyalservant  
kari2500  
Sinilu Silverspell  
****XwildfiregirlX**  
for adding this fic to your alert lists.

All of this support means so much to me, I never thought that my work would be so successful. Virtual cookies for **XwildfiregirlX**, **AznEyes**, and **Laurena** for reviewing and adding me to your favorites, and a Yuki plushie to **XwildfiregirlX** for adding this to favorites and alerts. I've always been really bad at expressing gratitude, but I know how to say thank you in four languages, so that will have to do. Thank you, Merci, Danke, Arigato. I am eternally greatful to all of you.

**Dedication:** This fic is dedicated to **Darks Light**, but this chapter in specific is dedicated to **XwildfiregirlX** for her great support. Thanks, both of you.

Disclaimer: See last chapter.

Warnings: See last chapter.

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**Blank eyes, Dried Tears, Chapter 2**

He sat at the kitchen table, a frown marring his face, crimson eyes narrowed, staring at the wall across from him without really seeing it. To put it bluntly, his life really sucked. He was always rejected, always an outcast. Even with Tohru being so nice to him, it just wasn't what he yearned for. She accepted him as a friend, and he saw her as a kind of little sister. He wanted, no, _needed_ more than that. He needed to be accepted by the one he cared so much for, and the one he would never be allowed to feel anything for but hate. He regretted so much their first meeting. He had been told to hate the boy, that they were supposed to be sworn enemys', that there was no other way for them to be. He had held onto the belief that he hated the boy he hadn't even met. Then, they did meet. He remembered it so clearly, and reggretted all of it.

_He saw the back of a small boy, a boy with shimmering dark silver hair. He was stuck to the spot. Then the boy turned. He saw his beautiful amethyst eyes, smooth porcelain skin, and for a second, a flash of a smile. Then he realised who it was he faced. He didn't want to hate the being infront of him, but he had been told he had to. So he started screaming at him, hateful words that haunted him. The boy had frowned, and for a second an unimaginable sadness flashed through amethyst eyes. The silver haired boy turned, and walked away._

He wished so much he could go back and relive that day, not start the cycle of fighting and hatred that had evolved from that event. If he had acted differently, would they be friends now? Or would the boy with purple eyes have started the hateful aruments? He would never know. He had kept acting spitefully towards the silver haired youth, and the other boy soon started to return it. He had thought that he had to keep acting that way, that if he actually got to know the other, he would have hated him anyway. He was so wrong, to belive what the adults had always said. To act on what they had told him. It was too late now. If the amethyst eyed boy hadn't hated him then, he would by now. He would have to. The boy with blood red eyes had never acted towards him with anything but anger. Oh, he had been such a fool! It was too late now. He felt so alone, even with Tohru buzzing around the kitchen so close by, making dinner. It was like he was drowning in shadows, and if he tried to reach out for help, he would be pushed further away. It would all be all right, he could deal with everyone elses' hate, if only he had the acceptance and love of the beautiful silver haired nezumi.

He blinked, drawn out of his thoughts by Tohru calling up the stairs, telling Shigure and the nezumi that dinner was ready. He blinked once more, noticing that the food was on the table infront of him, and he hadn't even noticed it being put there. He turned to look at Shigure bounding into the room, the baka inu complimenting Tohru on her wonderful cooking and making her blush. It was so annoying. Then he saw the nezumi enter. He looked on as he greeted Tohru, with a polite smile, watched as he sat down as far away from the neko as he could. That polite smile, it looked so fake. It had always looked fake to the neko, but it was even more so now. It was the kind of smile that would shatter the second the person wearing it was alone. He looked more carefully at the nezumi, taking in his shining silver hair, his flawless pale skin, and his uncomparable amethyst eyes. He frowned into his noodles. The nezumi's eyes... they were so blank now. They held no life, the only thing he could see in them was a small amount of pain, creeping through the mask the silver haired nezumi wore. It was disturbing, to see anyones eyes like that. To see the eyes of someone you care about so much in that state, it was agony. Made even worse by the fact that he could do nothing about it. He paused his eating for a second, then resumed so as not to draw attention to himself. He was sure he could see dried tears on the cheeks of the amethyst eyed boy. He wished so much that he could find out what was wrong with the other boy, and that he could comfort him and take his pain away. He wished, but he couldn't. His dinner finished, he stood up without a word, and walked out of the room and up to the roof. Laying down, he couldn't tear his mind away from the boy with silver hair. He wore a mask, just like the orange haired neko himself did. Yet the mask was cracking, and it wouldn't be long before the mask, and the boy wearing it, shattered completely. His soul felt like it was being ripped out. He could do nothing for the one he loved, the only one he really cared about. All he could do was stand by and watch, while he himself shattered. He couldn't escape the cycle of hate that was his life, couldn't escape the constant loneliness of it. Such was the curse of Kyo Sohma, the cat of the zodiac.

-TBC-

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**A/N:** So, how did I do? I hope I managed to live up to all of your expectations. Please, review. It makes me so very happy to know what people think of my work. 


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: W00t! I have a new pc! It's laptop! I'm so happy. I never thought I'd actually get a laptop. Anyway, sorry for the long wait on this chapter. I'll cut the babble short and just get on with it.

Thank you:**  
Envysloyalservant  
XwildfiregirlX  
Kazalvr  
DarksLight  
half-demon628  
Hearbrokenalloveragain  
Akuma Memento Mori  
KrisXD  
Laurena  
Asagi Nanami**  
For your wonderful reviews!

Thank you:**  
Heartbrokenalloveragain  
half-demon628  
Dragon Fairies  
Asagi Nanami  
Akuma Memento Mori**  
For adding this to your favorites!

Thank you:  
**XkisaXsohmaX**  
**Inu-Ice-Dragon**  
**Jimmee  
Heartbrokenalloveragain  
Laurena**  
For adding this to your alerts list!

Thank you all so much! A Kyo plushie to **XwildfiregirlX **for continuing her support (and to go with her Yuki plushie). A Yuki plushie to **Heartbrokenalloveragain** for reviewing and adding this to both favorites and alerts. Virtual cookies to **Akuma Memento Mori**, **half-demon628 **and **Asagi Nanami** for reviewing and adding this to their favorites.

_**Dedication:** _This fic is dedicated to **DarksLight**, and this chapter is dedicated to **Heartbrokenalloveragain** for the same reasons she got a Yuki plushie for.

Disclaimer: See first chapter.

Warnings: See last chapter.

**Blank eyes, Dried tears, Chapter 3**

Yuki watched out the corner of his eyes as the cat got up and left the table. He knew that the crimson-eyed boy was going to the roof. He finished the last of his soba and stood, fake smile firmly in place. He thanked Tohru for the meal, then walked to the front door. Putting his shoes on, he went outside. He walked into the nearby trees, looking back as he entered them and seeing the silhouette of the cat on the roof. He continued on, arriving at his secret base, his garden. His smile instantly caved, mask dropping. He collaspsed onto his knees, then sat on his heels. He thought about why he was in such pain, and his thoughts brought anger with them. If he wasn't a member of the juunishi, then he could be free. If he wasn't the nezumi, he could be himself, and not act like everyone expected him to. If he wasn't part of the Sohma family, he wouldn't have to act like he hated the orange-haired neko. If it weren't for the Sohma family, he could do what he wanted to do, take charge of his own life, be free.

If he wasn't the rat, maybe Kyo wouldn't hate him.

As he thought, his anger grew. With a feral snarl, he stood suddenly, pivoting on one foot and sending a kick into a nearby tree, which snapped and went flying from the force. The silver-haired boy crumpled back onto the ground. He wanted to be free. He wanted to be able to hold the crimson-eyed neko in his arms, and keep him safe from the people that hated him. He knew how much torment the orange-haired boy went through at the hands of the other family members, at his own hands, even. It hurt him so much to cause the other boy pain. He wished he could take the neko's pain away. But he couldn't. He couldn't even take his own pain away, let alone someone else's. Damn the juunishi, damn the Sohma's, damn the whole world!

Angry tears fell from his amethyst eyes again. The pain grew, it was splitting his already tatter soul into even tinier pieces. Wearily, he stood. Walking back to the house, he fixed his mask in place. As he neared the house and left the trees, he saw the shape of the orange-haired neko, still sitting on the roof. He looked away, and walked into the house, taking off his shoes. Once in his room, he colapsed onto his bed. Closing blank eyes, he fell into a sleep that was plauged with nightmares, memories of the past.

-TBC-


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Greetings, all. I apologize for how long it has taken me to update this… again… stupid lack of inspiration. I'm actually not very happy about the way this turned out… it doesn't fit with the previous chapters somehow. Oh well. Please review and tell me what you think! Note to self, stop making your A/Ns longer than your fics.

**Responses to reviews:**

**DarksLight:** Thank you very much for your kind words of praise, my friend. Yeah, family traditions can be really irritating.

**Envysloyalservant: **Thank you! I know what you mean with the squeezing and bashing heads in... I get that a lot when I'm reading, and I was trying to enter it into this. I'm glad that it worked. Sorry it took so long to update, I hope you like this chapter.

**Half-demon628**: I'm glad you liked it, thank you for taking the time to review. I hope you like this chapter.

**Asagi Nanami:** Thank you! Yes, he is angry, but he he definatly has his reasons. XD

**Heartbrokenalloveragain:** Thanks for the review! I hope you like this chapter.

**XwildfiregirlX: **Thank you! Oh, and your welcome for the plushies. XD

**mick the irish pirate: **Thank you for taking the time to review and encourage me.

**Laurena:** XD Thanks. I have a plan. Each chapter I'm writing more of the physical, not just the mental and emotional, until... well... wouldn't want to spoil it. There'll be some dialog in this one.

**Hatori Sohma:** Ok, I'll email you as soon as I post this. Thanks for reviewing!

**Yuugi Moto:** Thank you so much! You reviewed, added this to your favorites, your alerts, and you added me to your favorites. I feel so happy! Thank you very much. You get a Yuki plushie for being so nice! And I'll dedicate this chap to you.

**Avacados are evil: **Thank you for reviewing and adding this to your faves! Here, have a virtual cookie.

**Sakura Baku:** Thank you so much! I'm so greatful for your immense support. Have a Yuki plushie. I'll dedicate this chap in part to you as well.

**chibi.kyosuke:** Arigato! For both ther merchandise and the review, I thank you immensly.

**sess's bitch:** Thank you for the suggestion! I'll consider it, can't make any promises, but I'll consider it.

Warnings: See previous chapters.

Dedication:This fic is dedicated to DarksLight, and this chapter is dedicated to **Yuugi Moto** and **Sakura Baku** for their great support.

_**Disclaimer:** _See first chapter.

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Blank eyes, Dried tears, Chapter 4 

Kyo sat on the roof, tears falling from his crimson eyes silently down his cheeks. It was all because of the damned curse of the juunishi that things were this way. Damn Akito, damn the curse, damn the Sohma's, damn the world. He brought curled his knees up and buried his face into them, sobbing. He looked up at the moon, feeling helpless, weak, useless. He hated the way he felt. It made him sick, how weak he was. He lay back on the roof, still staring at the moon. His emotions had drained him, and he soon fell asleep, unaware that the silver-haired nezumi had been thinking very similar things shortly before.

As the sun rose the next morning, he was awakened by Shigure yelling.

"Oh Kyoooooo-kuuuun! Where are you! Breakfast is ready!" He snarled and sat up.

"I'm coming, baka inu!" He shouted back. The orange-haired boy made his way downstairs, yawning. He collapsed at the table, and began to eat, seemingly ignoring everyone and everything around him. However, he noticed that the nezumi was mysteriously absent. Before he could dwell on that fact, the afore-mentioned amethyst-eyed boy walked into the kitchen. Kyo ate and outwardly scowled while inwardly, he noted the way the silver-haired boy could somehow still be graceful while dead on his feet. The meal passed in relative silence, save Shigure babbling to Tohru for a little while about how good it was, and her flustered responses. Kyo inwardly sighed, focusing on pulling his mask together. He must act rash, aggressive, and spiteful towards the nezumi. How he hated having to do this. He could not keep it up for much longer, not when the amethyst eyes of the politely smiling prince held such agony. He couldn't help but wonder if one day he may be accepted and given affection by the beautiful boy. But no, it was foolish to think that way. Even if there was no hatred felt for him by the boy, there could never be affection. He was worthless, stupid, useless, and hateful. He would never be gifted with affection from Yuki. It was foolish to hope, he would only be hurt more later.

He stood up and went to grab his bag. He walked out the door to school, to another day of lies and masks, and watching the beautiful prince slowly crumble as he crumbled with him.

-TBC-


End file.
